Interview Time: Themis

Welcome to the fourth character interview from the book, Hench. I don’t know how many I these I’ll create for public consumption, but this interview will conclude the core of the book’s cast. Today we will be having a chat with the most formidable director of housing to ever grace the page, Themis the dragon.

“Hello everybody! Joining me today is a special guest, the director of housing for the Wharfdale Henchman’s Union, Themis Terry.” I motion across the table to the mostly-human-looking woman sitting across from me. Her eyes shine a brass-hue and from somewhere under her skirts emerges a large reptilian tail replete with shiny scales.

After throwing back a lock of curly, brass-colored hair she flashes a flawless smile towards the person reading the interview. “It’s lovely to join you this day, I’m sure I shall be able to lavish you with a plethora of supremely important facts. After all, anything concerning me is, by its very nature, interesting to the highest degree.”

I squint raise my brow. “You seem to have quite the high estimation for yourself.”

“Not at all,” she replied with a titter. “While many people posses aggrandized egos and may think of themselves with disproportionate favor, I feel I give myself a modest appraisal. After all, when you consider that we are talking about me, it would be quite impossible to overstate my importance.”

Pushing my lips closed, I nod and decide to forgo further commentary about Themis’ importance. Instead, I decide to follow another topic. “From what I understand, you’re a dragon, right? What is that like? Give the readers some insight about the day-to-day concerns for a magical creature.”

Themis’ face flushes slightly and she leans forward. “Certainly, I relish the opportunity to inform people about my daily struggles. Unlike you human folk, I do not require sleep. Therefore I have an excess of free-time whilst the lot of my tenants are tucked away in slumber. During these times I like to indulge my intellectual curiosities and study all manner of subjects. Human culture and society are high among my studies, and I have devoted a considerable amount of time pursuing the mercurial standards of female beauty. I have researched thousands of pigments, binders, oils, compounds, extracts, and so forth in the pursuit in the current trends in human aesthetics. Just last month I discovered a new method of creating a fine black pigment from carbon residues inside crucibles after cupellation. The pigment is so fine that I have to refrain from breathing when handling lest the change of air currents carry my precious material away. Presently, the Kohl I’m wearing today to darken my eyelashes is using that pigment.”

“Wait,” I stammer out, trying to get a word edgewise. “Do you mean to tell me that you use your free-time to research cosmetics?”

She leans back and frowns slightly. “Do I detect a note of incredulity in your voice?”

“Yes!” I say. “Dragons are supposed to be immensely powerful beings made of magic itself. Immortal creatures who posses a fathomless intellect. Don’t you feel it’s a waste to spent your time on something so trivial as cosmetics?”

Crossing her arms under her large bosom, she cocks an eyebrow at me. “Pray tell, what should I be spending all my time on? What avenue of research and investigation would yield to you something worthwhile for a dragon’s undying form? You appear to possess some knowledge of how I should conduct my life that I apparently lack.”

I sigh and shake my head. “I don’t know, I just didn’t expect you have those interests.”

“That’s what happens when you operation under poor assumptions,” she replies with a bit of an edge to her voice. “I have many people who are, frankly, flabbergasted that I deign to spend my time interacting with humans and take the likeness of one myself. But humans, and their interactions, have been an evergreen source of curiosity throughout my thousands of years. It’s quite remarkable that you lot have managed to keep my interest for eons, a testament to your multifarious natures.”

Looking down to my interview notes, I realize we have hit none of my talking points yet, even though we are approaching our time allotment. I decide to skip to the final talking point and try to wrap up the interview while I have some face to save. “Okay, in the interest of time, what would you like the readers to keep in mind as they read the story.”

She leans forward and points at me. “It’s not only your readers I want to address, but yourself as well. Do not let your assumptions govern your opinions. Come to this tale ready for anything to happen, set aside what you think you know about dragons, monsters, heroics, and all manners of things. Do this and you will be sure to experience a fuller measure of joy, I’m certain.”

Her words carry a little sting to them, and I grimace at the message contained therein. “Well said, I suppose,” I admit. “Themis, thank you for meeting with me and giving the readers some insight into the story. It’s been a unique experience, for certain.”

Sighing, she seems to deflate to her usual carefree demeanor. “I do so enjoy having a spirited discussion, especially when the conversation topic is myself. If you would ever deign for me to talk about myself I’m willing to speak ad nauseam. Though, I don’t become nauseated unless I have a particular reason. Would you like me to become nauseated?”

“Uh, no thanks,” I say quickly.